Crina and Kirsten Get to Work

Self-Care (still) Requires That You Crush the Patriarchy

This episode is #3 in our summer of rest, relaxation and (appropriately) encore episodes! We know you'll love this rerun and find inspiration in our exploration of this very important topic!
 
SHOW NOTES 
 
Caring for yourself is not self-indulgent, it's essential to your well-being. Regardless of what you're told by the patriarchy, self-care is a way of life, not a product you can buy.Lets all remember the quote from poet and writer Audre Lord who writes, “Caring for myself is not self- indulgence. It is self preservation, and this is an act of political warfare.” 
Crina and Kirsten talk about self-care from the Audre Lorde perspective. Not as a massage or a bottle of fancy bath bubbles, but as actions that put our needs before those of others to create practices that are restorative. Crina and Kirsten discuss their own restorative practices and how to create those so that you can bring your best self to all things, including your work.
GOOD READS
The history of self-care
The problem with self-care

Burnout–it’s still a thing

Burnout is still an issue for so many of our listeners. In fact burnout is so pervasive that over seventy-five percent of the workforce is currently, or has previously experienced it.  As a refresher, it feels like depletion, exhaustion, disconnection, negative emotions and reduced capacity...sound familiar?  You’re not alone! 
 
SHOW NOTES
Burnout is a  real diagnosis - and defined as “chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed” by the World Health Organization.  This relatively new diagnosis is defined as a “syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. It is characterized by three dimensions: 1) feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion; 2) increased mental distance from one’s job, or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one’s job; and 3) reduced professional efficacy. Burnout refers specifically to phenomena in the occupational context and should not be applied to describe experiences in other areas of life.”
 
Christina Maslach (creator of the Maslach Burnout Inventory) first identified the syndrome - and it came out of her work with healthcare workers and their families.  Here are her inventory questions:
 
How often are you tired and lacking energy to go to work in the morning?
How often do you feel physically drained, like your batteries are dead?
How often is your thinking process sluggish or your concentration impaired?
How often do you feel emotionally detached from co-workers (or customers) and unable to be sensitive to their needs?
 
Does it sound like you?  If you are like most of us - yes, at least some teimes.
 
How does this happen?  When we carry too much for too long and cannot effectively process our emotions, our neurological system gets overloaded - and we are unable to effectively deal with this overload.
 
Who does this happen to?  Well, all of us, but those of us that are anxious or have a low self esteem or poor boundaries are thought to be more likely to suffer burnout, according to a study of Spanish nurses.  According to authors Rachel Montane and Erika Pryor, women of color also carry the emotional burden of discrimination, fear of retaliation - and of course much of the emotional labor of diversity in the workplace..
 
Employers contribute to burnout by unfair treatment, an unmanageable workload, unrealistic deadlines, poor communication and a lack of support.
 
Enter Drs. Emily and Amelia Nagoski, authors of Burnout, who just happen to be identical twins.  They have concluded, based on their research, that the key to preventing burnout is to manage the emotions you are having so that we do not become emotionally exhausted.  They encourage us to process the emotion - actually turn towards it, and feel it.  Scary!!  But we can do it.
 
Here are the twins’ suggestions to deal with, process and get on the other side of our emotions.
 
Engage in physical activity
Try breathing exercises
Make positive connections with people you love and care about (call someone or better yet go for a walk with a friend)
Laugh - a great big belly laugh
Hug for 20 seconds - the full slightly uncomfortable 20 seconds
Cry - they promise it will not go on forever
Be Creative - paint, sing, dance, write
 
The key is to send our body a signal that the danger is over, we are safe.  And how do we know our emotions have been processed and we are “done?”  The twin doctors promise your body will tell you.
 
Be aware of your depletion clues.  Are you sleeping well and enough?  Are you engaging in activities where you do not think of work? Are you taking breaks at work?  Do you have work-life boundaries?
 
The solution to burnout is actually more than self-care.  It is more about managing emotions.
  
While burnout is prevalent, there are things we can do to recognize our vulnerability, determine whether it is happening to us and work to relieve that chronic stress through the processing of emotions.  
 
More good reads:
How to Recover From Burnout & Love Work Again According to Science
 
How to Eliminate Burnout and Retain Top Talent
 

You (still) Need More Vacations

Crina and Kirsten are on summer break and recommend revisiting one of their favorite episodes: “You Need More Vacations.”  Follow their lead, take another listen and plan some refreshing, rejuvenating, reviving, restoring and revitalizing time away from work.  Enjoy!  
SHOW NOTES
Before our hosts take off on the vacation topic, they consider the advantages of shorter, yet still meaningful breaks in your day.  Crina talks about her time with trees, and as usual, Kirsten has her head in a book called Stillness is the Key by Ryan Holiday, which discusses the benefits of space to your intellectual, physical and spiritual well-being.  
 
The data about vacations very clearly tells us that vacations increase productivity and satisfaction in the workplace.  In fact, studies show that even planning your vacation can lift your spirits.  And, just an additional 10 hours of vacation can improve performance according to a study by Ernst & Young.
 
Too many people let cost, pets, concern about work coverage, too much work, fear of being gone from work or home get in the way of what is an uplifting and rejuvenating experience, including the 52% of Americans who do not use all of their vacation.  WHAT??!!
 
Our host end this show with some tips about how to make getting out of and coming back to the workplace easier, a discussion about whether you work while you are on vacation (mostly no) and how to make the most of your time away.  So get out there and enjoy!
 
GOOD READS
5 reasons you need to take a vacation according to science.
Opinion | Relax! You'll Be More Productive
Why You Need to Take a Vacation (Even When You Can't Afford One)
USTravel.org
What to Do With a Day off
 

Words Matter–The English Language Holds Women Back

The words we use shape the impressions, attitudes and opinions we hold about women. According to new research, language also impacts the jobs we apply for, the amount of money we earn and the way we’re evaluated at work. In other words–language holds women back.
DISCLAIMER: This episode addresses language and gender - language also impacts race and other aspects of identity, including sexuality and non-binary gender identity.  These are real issues, but there is not enough research nor do we have the expertise on the topics, so those issues are not addressed in this episode.
 
SHOW NOTES
Phrases like the girls out front, man up and drama queen are demeaning and degrading to women.  Other feminine words have been made derogatory - such as the word mistress, which used to define a role in a household and is now a word to describe a woman engaging in infidelity.  
 
Another impact on language is whether or not it is gendered.  Languages like French and Spanish are gendered, meaning that some words are designated as feminine or masculine  For example, in Italian an apple is feminine and bread is masculine - not the case with English.  Why is that and what is the impact?  Owen Ozier and Pamela Jakiela conducted a study for the World Bank, which analyzed over 4000 languages and found that 38% of those languages are gendered - and for women who speak primarily a gendered language are 15% less likely to participate in the workforce as compared to those women who speak a non-gendered language - that is 125 million women.  They also found people who speak a gendered language are more likely to agree with statements like “On the whole, men make better business executives than women do” or “When jobs are scarce, men should have more right to a job than women.” And women hold these attitudes just like men.
 
In addition to participation in the workforce, language impacts how we attract candidates, advancement and retention for women in the workforce.
 
The language in job descriptions can attract - or not - women to apply for jobs.  It may be hard to believe that simple changes to language could lead to more women in the workplace.  Instead of male coded words like “dominate,” “competitive” and “drive” -  words like “team” and “interpersonal” and phrases like “we will support you with the tools you need to do your job” can attract women to apply.  
 
We also see gender bias in the language in performance reviews, which affects retention and promotion.  In a study involving military performance evaluation, researchers concluded more negative characteristics were recorded for women than for men.  They also found that the negative characteristics attributed to women were about their personality rather than their performance.  
 
So what to do about this?  Be specific, and careful and thoughtful; use tools like Ongig to evaluate the language.
 
Gendered Languages May Play a Role in Limiting Women’s Opportunities, New Research Finds
masculine- and feminine-coded words
The coded language that holds women back at work - BBC Worklife
 
 
 

Mind Your Manners...Or Not

Do you abide by the social code at work or do you balk at such conventions? Do you see manners as a construct developed by the patriarchy or a set of rules that we should happily abide by? Are you offended by the need to be a “good girl,” or do you see the value of manners in maintaining social order? Join the conversation as we explore this very interesting debate.
SHOW NOTES
Manners are behaviors and etiquette is the social code or cultural values of a community.  According to the anonymous blogger, peaceigive, the word “etiquette” comes to us from French and it referred to a physical ticket that explained the social rules in the court of Louis XIV. And of course, you only got a copy of the rules if you were “in.”
While manners and etiquette are fundamentally about kindness and respect, manners and etiquette can also be racist, ableist and sexist – and tools of exclusion.  Manners and etiquette in the workplace present an opportunity, as Judith “Miss Manners” Martin says, to maintain personal dignity, to balance cooperation and competitiveness, to take responsibility and remain flexible, to be attentive and discreet as well as honest and tactful  Manners and etiquette can be empowering to create a culture of inclusiveness.
Tune in to hear about the specifics of introductions, who pays, who buys gifts, remote work and all of the fabulous opportunities we have in the workplace to use manners and etiquette to create more ease, meaning and joy at work.
 GOOD READS
School of Disruptive Etiquette
Psst… Manners Are Racist and Ableist Too. – PEACE I GIVE

When Your Coworker is Sad

Coworkers who are grieving, sad and experiencing trauma might appear scattered, distand, disorganized, short tempered, anxious, intense and teary.  So how do we create more ease, meaning and joy at work by showing up and supporting them, and ourselves?
SHOW NOTES
The first step is the scariest because there are so many unknowns, but it is the check in - check in with your co-worker about how they are doing.  The reason this can feel scary is because you do not know what the reaction with be - you could get tears, a brick wall, anger - you just cannot be sure how someone is doing until you ask - but being open allows us to do the next important step, which is to hold space, which means we just need to pay attention and listen.  When we are holding space, telling someone how they do or should or will feel is often not helpful.  Once we have an understanding of how someone is going, then we can start to sort through whether we should just be with our co-worker or we should make an offer to help.  Listen is as Crina and Kirsten sort through these issues and the specifics.
 
MORE GOOD READS
 
The Best Way to Comfort Someone When They're Sad
 
How to Offer Support to a Grieving Colleague (hbr.org)
 
When Someone You Love Is Upset, Ask This One Question
 
Four Ways Hugs Are Good for Your Health

Managing Change That You Don’t Control

Sometimes we find ourselves on the receiving end of change, but how to manage the change we do not control? And how do we deal with the emotions that come with all of this change? 
 
SHOW NOTES
 
It is helpful to know ourselves - always, but particularly with change.  In 1962, E.M. Rogers created the Diffusion of Innovation Theory - how change happens.  Innovators are the creators of change.  Early adopters are people in leadership who embrace change.  Early majority are those of us who are not in leadership, but are more willing than most to adopt a change.  Late majority are the folks who are reluctant to change, but will do it once most others have.  Laggards, are those who are reluctant to change - and just really do not like it.  Knowing who we are on this scale gives us a starting point to address the impacts of change.
 
When change happens, there can be things that frustrate us, worry us and create problems for us.  Change can create just about any negative emotion or experience.  McKinsey created the 7 S’s, which is really an organizational tool, but serves as an excellent evaluation tool:  
 
1 - is your problem or concern one of strategy - does the change impact the organization’s plan for building and maintaining a competitive advantage over competitors?
2 - is your problem or concern one of structure - does the change impact how workers are organized and who reports to who?
3 - is your problem or concern with systems - does the change impact how work is performed?
4 - is your problem or concern with values - does the change impact the core values or work ethic of the organization?
5 - is your problem or concern one of style - does the change impact leadership style?
6 - is your problem or concern one of staffing - does the change impact the ability of the humans to do their work?
7 - is your problem or concern one of skills - does the change impact the skills and competencies of the organization’s workers?
 
Analyzing your concern or problem through this lens provides a framework to better manage our responses.
 
Once we understand our problem or concern, there are strategies to manage those reactions:
 
Acknowledge the change. When change is happening in the workplace, acknowledge it  and our responses in a non-judgmental way.
Excavate your fears and concerns. Writing down these fears and considering what you will do about each can diffuse our reactions.
Be flexible. 
Be part of the change. Any time we can be involved, we have an opportunity to shape change.
Communicate. It is important to articulate problems and concerns to leadership.
Reduce Stress and anxiety. Of course!  
Have a sense of meaning. Understanding the value of our work can help us navigate change
 
GOOD READS:
 
(40) 10 Tips for Dealing with Change Positively in Your workplace | LinkedIn
 
McKinsey 7-S Framework - Making Every Part of Your Organization Work in Harmony
 
Diffusion of Innovation Theory

Interviews–Ready, Set, Get that JOB!

Interviews are your first change to make a lasting impression. What you say, what you wear,  and how (or whether) you answer the questions can make or break your chances at landing that dream job. You don’t want to miss this master class! 
 
SHOW NOTES 
 
Looking for a job can be discouraging, but remember, 52% of applicants get 1 or 2 interviews after submitting 10 applications.  34% get none and 14% get 3 or more interviews.  It usually takes at least ten applications to get a job.
 
The first step to interviewing is preparation, which will take far longer than the interview.  And we assume we have the interview because our resumes are great, our cover letters do not contain typos and our social media presence reflects what we want to communicate to the world, including a potential employer.
 
Research the company and the industry, check into what their employees on LinkIn are posting, find people who know about the company and ask questions.  What would you like to know about the company or working there that you did not find out in your research?
 
Find a personal connection to the company and let that person know you have an interview.  Candidates that are referred and have personal connections are more likely to be hired.
 
Practice answering questions - no, really, don’t just consider what your answers would be, but actually say it out loud - preferably with someone you trust.  We should be prepared to answer the difficult questions about ourselves - be ready to explain gaps in our resume, a termination, a criminal conviction . . . we should be ready to talk about the challenging parts of our resume and work - and sometimes personal - history.  Practice with a friend or mentor.
 
And we have arrived at the big day - be early, comfortable, rested, hydrated, and nourished.  
It is okay to be nervous, it shows you care, but focusing on our nervousness can be distracting.  
 
Here are some helpful hints: answer the questions and be honest in your answers (this is BIG!); take notes if it is helpful to stay on track; have copies of your resume, references, writing samples etc in case those are needed; ask the questions that arose during your research. And feel free to be funny and add humor - funny people are more likely to be hired. 
 
GOOD READS
Tips for a Successful Interview
Strategies of Effective Interviewing
30 Mind-Blowing Interview Statistics to Get You Going in 2023 (legaljobs.io)