Crina and Kirsten Get to Work

Feeling Embarrassed? Make It Work For You!

Embarrassing yourself is the key to success - well, not exactly, but there are benefits to embarrassment.  In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our hosts delve into this unusual emotion - embarrassment - hot head, panic, stomach upset, racing heart, sweating - and all of the things.  
 
SHOW NOTES
 
Science tells us embarrassment is a unique emotion - unlike an emotion such as fear, we need to think before we can feel this emotion.  Rowland Miller at Sam Houston University tells us, “we become embarrassed when we perceive that the social image we want to project has been undermined and that others are forming negative impressions of us.”  But there is more to embarrassment.  
 
John Sabini of the University of Pennsylvania and his colleagues found embarrassment is likely to arise when a person anticipates a disruption of smooth social interaction and/or faces a situation without clear social expectations . She is not worried about making a bad impression, but rather she does not know what to do next.
 
Sabini defined three kind of embarrassment:
Faux-pas - food in your teeth when meeting your new boss
center-of-attention - being the guest of honor at a surprise party
sticky-situation embarrassment - having to fire someone or give hard feedback 
 
Crina adds a fourth type, vicarious embarrassment, to this list - the feeling of being embarrassed for others.  
 
Embarrassment serves a few important purposes.  Embarrassment signals others that we know we stepped in it and these negative feelings discourage us from doing it again and encourage us to make repairs with others.  It can also encourage us to prepare for a situation to avoid being embarrassed.
 
Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found people who expressed more outward signs of embarrassment while describing their embarrassing moments (such as tripping) also reported a tendency to be more "prosocial" — that is, kinder and more generous.
 
Researchers also found that when the study’s actor expressed embarrassment, study participants found the actor more trustworthy and wanted to affiliate with him more.  Embarrassment can humanize a leader because it helps break down the barriers between team members and the leader and ultimately allows for stronger connections to form.  Does the leader have some humor about her embarrassment or are they prickly and defensive about the embarrassment?  A leader’s response to embarrassment can set the tone for the team.  
 
When we think about how to respond to embarrassment, research suggests most people tend to overestimate how much others notice our embarrassment. We can help put embarrassment in context by detaching ourselves and thinking about how we would react as an observer of our embarrassing situation.  It’s likely we will find grace, distance and context in that exercise.  
 
We know embarrassment does not feel good, but it communicates we care and presents opportunities to consider our behavior and be more connected with those around us.
 
The Surprising Perks of Being Embarrassed
Oh no you didn't!
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,
Countering embarrassment-avoidance by taking an observer's perspective | Motivation and Emotion

Silence Isn't Always Golden: Why Women Don't Speak Up at Work

There are good reasons why women don’t speak up at work, but that silence is not serving us. When we communicate publicly, assertively and honestly for the rights and needs of ourselves and others, we’re shifting the power dynamics that have held us all back. 
SHOW NOTES  
First, we know that women are more likely to speak up for others than they are for themselves.  We also know from the research that women are far more likely to be interrupted and talked over.  A 2014 study by Harvard Business Review found that while men and women see this as a problem, men tend to attribute this to a woman’s failure to make their point in a strong, clear way - or getting rattled and allowing themself to be interrupted.  Women tend to attribute this to feeling isolated and not liking conflict.
 
Our hosts delve deeper into what the research says about why and here is what they found:
Insinuation anxiety, which is the fear of insinuating distrust or disapproval of someone else.
Fear of embarrassment, need we say more?
Pluralistic ignorance, which is when we tend to sit around thinking someone else in the group will speak up - also known as the bystander effect.
 
When we do not speak up , we end up less of all the good things - physical and emotional well-being and more of what we do not want, stress and unhappiness.  
There are some key times to speak up: when our boundaries are violated, when we notice someone is upset, when something goes against the rules, when we recognize danger and when no else does.
 
Dr. Sunita Sah at Cornell University suggests preparing to speak up can be helpful and asking for more time if you need it.  Crina and Kirsten add, being clear, avoiding over-explaining, being compassionate and honoring your preferences.
 
The benefits of voicing your thoughts are high - more authenticity and more satisfaction.  It is also critical that each of our very special and unique voices are heard.
 
MORE GOOD READS
Speak Up at Thanksgiving. Your Health Demands It
The Unavoidable Trap of Politeness: Why Is It So Hard to Just Say “No”? ‹ Literary Hub
Opinion: Why you find it so hard to resist taking bad advice - Los Angeles Times
Women, Find Your Voice (hbr.org) 
Speaking Up for Yourself Is Important — 11 Steps to Get It Right
Why Is It So Hard to Speak Up at Work? - The New York Times
The Effect of Gender on Interruptions at Congressional Hearings | American Political Science Review | Cambridge Core 

Do Your Work With Love: It Might Just Love You Back

Love and work embrace as hosts Crina and Kirsten explore how to infuse our work with love. From expressing love through our tasks to cultivating a service mindset and practicing generosity, this episode serves up a recipe for success that's as fulfilling as it is rewarding. Let's bring more love into how we do our work! 
SHOW NOTES
Crina and Kirsten dive into love and work, where Albert Brooks,  Oprah Winfrey,  Marcus Buckingham, Bob Rosen and Joe Ricciardi serve as guides to infuse our conversation about doing our work with love. Forget the notion that work and love should be kept in separate corners of our lives; we're here to blend them together like the perfect cocktail - at work!  As Kahil Gibran said, “work is love made visible.”  Our work is an amazing opportunity for us to express love - something we are made to do.
Our duo digs into the different flavors of workplace love. There's love of purpose, love of accomplishment, love of colleagues, and even love for ourselves. Each adds its own unique flavor to the workplace stew, creating a recipe for success that's as fulfilling as it is rewarding.
There is also the opportunity to infuse the work we do with love, which is something we do not talk about as often - how we talk with customers and clients; how we build the thing we are building at work; how we write the memos and letters and emails - with each task there is the opportunity to infuse the task with love.  
How do we put this into practice?  We can adopt a service mindset, practice generosity, show compassion, and create trust. And let's not forget to sprinkle gratitude on top—it's the secret ingredient that ties everything together.  Expressing love in our work is a blend of these concepts.
So, as we bask in the love of Valentine's Day, let's make a pact to bring more love into how we do our work. 
GOOD READS
What's Love Got to Do With Work? | Psychology Today
Marcus Buckingham: Why “Love” Is the Key to Career Success (hbr.org)
The Only Career Advice You’ll Ever Need - The Atlantic
How To Bring More Love Into Your Work - Eat Your Career
Love At Work: Here's How To Truly Show Love To Your Colleagues This Valentine's Day (forbes.com)

Social Capital: Creating a Culture of Connection at Work

In the world of work, where productivity and success are often measured in tangible outcomes, the concept of social capital emerges as a crucial element. It goes beyond the conventional understanding of networking and friendships, delving into the interconnected networks, shared norms, and trust that form the glue holding people and organizations together.  And there are chickens . . . .
Crina begins with a story about her husband, Barry, that illustrates what can be the natural and organic creation of social capital. Despite facing skepticism from some team members who deemed it a waste of time, Barry's emphasis on communication among co-workers is creating a cultural shift at his work, fostering collaboration and teamwork. This anecdote parallels a study of chickens, yes, chicken!  The study reveals that individual productivity, while initially successful, ultimately hampers overall success when it comes at the cost of suppressing others and focusing on self.
Robert Putnam's research at Harvard helps us understand that social capital extends beyond the workplace, encompassing community bonds and shared values. It differs from mere friendship or networking, encompassing trust and reciprocity - and it is kind of all of those things rolled into one. Social capital is a catalyst for societal well-being, impacting employment levels, academic performance, physical health, economic growth, and even crime rates - and really impactful to teams. 
Research highlights the numerous benefits of social capital in the workplace, including lower turnover, improved performance, increased knowledge transfer, innovation, and career mobility. 
Social capital at work looks like giving, connecting, and valuing others' expertise without expecting immediate returns is emphasized. It's about building trust and authenticity through reliability, transparency, vulnerability, and empathy.  Social capital is not a quid pro quo - or you scratch my back and I will scratch yours.
However, the downside of social capital is also acknowledged. Tight-knit networks may inadvertently exclude non-members and create conformity pressures, potentially limiting personal freedoms.
Social capital is not just a soft skill but an imperative for individuals and organizations. It involves creating a culture that values relationships, fosters trust, and recognizes the unique contributions of individuals. In the dance of productivity and success - and well being -  social capital gets us a long way to creating a harmonious and thriving workplace experience.

Discovering the Power of Happierness: Unlocking Three Elements of a Fulfilling Life

On this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our hosts delve into the topic of “happierness” and explore the secrets to building a fulfilling life in 2024.  How is that for ease, meaning and joy in 2024!! Drawing insights from renowned social scientist Arthur Brooks and the incomparable Oprah Winfrey, let’s navigate through the complexities of the human experience.
In the pursuit of “happierness,” we come to understand that happiness is not a constant state but rather a dynamic interplay of three crucial elements: enjoyment, satisfaction, and meaning. Unlike the elusive state of perpetual happiness, happierness proves to be a more achievable and sustainable goal.
The global impact of the COVID-19 pandemic has been catastrophic for public happiness, with percentages of those happy and unhappy experiencing a dramatic shift. Long-term trends indicate a gradual decline in happiness, further exacerbated by the advent of social media, proving detrimental to overall well-being.
Contrary to popular belief, money, power, pleasure, and fame are not the key drivers of happiness. True happierness stems from faith, family, friends, and work that serves others, offering a deeper and enduring sense of fulfillment.
Breaking down the components of happiness, we discover that enjoyment is distinct from pleasure, involving shared experiences and memories that contribute to lasting joy. Satisfaction arises from the struggle and progress toward goals, requiring a delicate balance between ambition and contentment. Meaning, the understanding of one's purpose and the significance of actions, completes the trifecta.
Work, being a significant part of our lives, plays a pivotal role in happiness. The happiest workers find joy in earning their success by creating value and feel a sense of purpose by serving others. Positive relationships at work, commitment, and a genuine desire to make a difference contribute significantly to job satisfaction.
And the key to the happiness puzzle seems to be metacognition, or the ability to step back and observe one's emotions, emerges as a key to happiness. Being aware that happiness is contagious, individuals can consciously choose their emotional responses and influence their well-being positively.
Developing emotional intelligence involves tools such as journaling to improve metacognition, gratitude practices, laughter, and storytelling to create a diverse emotional bank, promoting better emotional well-being.
Choosing hope over optimism becomes a powerful strategy in the pursuit of happiness. Deep friendships, family relationships, and the ability to turn attention away from negativity contribute to a more resilient and content life.
Embark on this insightful exploration of happierness and learn how to build the life you want in 2024. Remember, happiness is not a destination but a journey of continuous growth and self-discovery.

New Year, New Beginnings: Reflections and Plans for 2024

In this special New Year's episode, we reflect on the past year and discuss our plans for 2024 as we continue to pursue  EASE, MEANING and JOY!
SHOW NOTES
Did you know that January 1st has been celebrated as New Year's Day since 45 B.C.? The month of January is named after Janus, the ancient Roman god symbolizing transitions and new beginnings.
Crina shares her learnings from 2024, including how to travel alone and the importance of letting go of control in her daily life. She discovered that even small changes can have a significant impact on one's life. Kirsten, on the other hand, realized that her goals were inconsistent, particularly in relation to travel, health, and savings. For the upcoming year, Kirsten plans to focus on mastering the things that have been working well for her and finding more happiness in her life. This includes refining her reactivity, exercising regularly, spending time outdoors, and nurturing her friendships.
Crina's plan for 2024 is to continue traveling as much as possible and also prepare herself for aging well physically and financially. Both of us are on this journey of self-improvement in service of ease, meaning, and joy in our lives. 
In the next episode, we will discuss the importance of learning in every situation. And don't forget to stay tuned until the end for some hilarious outtakes in our blooper reel!

Unmasking the Workplace: The Hidden Truths We Keep

Unmasking the truth: In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, they dive deep into the importance of authenticity in the workplace. However, a shocking study reveals that more than 3 in 5 workers are hiding something about their identity from their employer, with fear of backlash and career advancement concerns being the main reasons. So, to reveal or not to reveal? That is the question.
SHOW NOTES
Authenticity is about being genuine, your original self - and there is also an element of being worthy of acceptance.  Authenticity does not mean you need to share your life story or connect with everyone on a deep personal level or share every unfiltered thought or opinion you have.  We know from the research that being authentic makes all things work better - engagement, performance, innovation, retention, belonging - just all of it.  And according to the Harvard Business Review - it makes us more ethical. Why Authentic Workplaces Are More Ethical (hbr.org)
 
And, we are still hiding things at work.  
 
A recent study by JobSage found more than 3 in 5 workers said that they are currently hiding at least one thing about their identity from their employer and 64% said that they’ve experienced backlash after revealing something about themselves, most often being treated unkindly or ignored completely.  What do people hide?  The top three are political views, information about their families, information about their own mental health.  JobSage reported that employees hide things about themselves to avoid making people uncomfortable (49%), avoid being stereotyped (43%) and, understandably, out of fear that revelation might impact their career advancement (41%).  Interestingly, men and women are almost equally likely to be hiding something from their employer (66% and 62%, respectively), but for slightly different reasons. While men don’t want to make people uncomfortable, women are more concerned about being stereotyped.  A shocking 4 out of 5 employees have repressed some aspect of their identity for the sake of their career.
 
Some of this hiding is wise and protective.  But according to Dorie Clark, author of Stand Out, there are impacts to hiding.  It consumes energy, it can create the loss of confidence and increased fear, career stagnation and isolation, as well as stifling creativity.    The Real Dangers of Hiding Our Whole Selves at Work: An Interview with Dorie Clark - Navalent…
 
Listeners, you are precious creatures - not everyone gets your preciousness - use your energy wisely - whether you reveal or not.  
 
More good reads:
Authenticity at Work: Everything You Need to Know (betterup.com)
Re-thinking authenticity at work | LSE Business Review
Find all of our episodes (and cool pictures of Crina and Kirsten) at https://yougettowork.com/

shEOs in the Boardroom: Cracking the Leadership Code and Unveiling the Secrets to Success

We are diving headlong into the topic of leadership.  Grab your metaphorical popcorn; start your commute or head out the door on a walk- this one is thought provoking!
Our co-host, Crina, is on a mission because, in her words, so many people are impacted by the "people in charge." Today's episode is an exploration of leadership, exploring why it's so darn crucial in our modern jungle of responsibilities.
Newsflash from the Fortune 500 universe – it's raining women CEOs – relatively speaking anyway! In January 2023, the Fortune 500 list had a glow-up moment with more than 10% of companies now led by women. Finance, healthcare, retail – you name it, women are turning corporate landscapes into their own VIP parties.
Leadership is a dance of focus, influence, perspective, and emotional connections. According to the leadership maestros, Marcus Buckingham and Ashley Goodall, the secret sauce is meeting the "we" and the "I" needs of your team.
But how do we get that secret sauce of the “I” and the “we?”  Project Aristotle, actually a deep look by Google on what makes better teams, reveals the magical ingredients, from creating psychological safety (no public shaming, please) to modeling dependability and providing crystal-clear structures.  The societal expectations we women often wrestle with? Turns out, those are the very things making women fantastic leaders. Decades of psychological research agree; when women lead, magic happens. Dr. Alice Eagly's studies reveal that women make better leaders, with a dash of transformational leadership and out-of-the-box thinking.
We know leadership can be stressful and University of Southern California research finds that women make better decisions than men when under stress. Ladies, our brains are like stress-proof shields, managing cortisol like wizards handling wands.
Women leaders make work better.  Women leaders aren't just breaking glass ceilings; they're transforming the leadership landscape into a place where there is more ease, meaning and joy. 
Find all of our episodes at https://yougettowork.com/